hmmmm

Wine is good.

I'll start by saying that. More than that though, wine and a quiet house is VERY good.
Why do they say that drinking alone is bad?
I think it's super FAB. hehe.

Seriously though.....I feel myself falling or rather gliding (as "falling" sounds negative) into a quiet, reposed and solitude mentality. I feel the need to be left alone to fight my challenges and hopefully overcome them.

It seems life is about challenges. When we conquer one, we receive another and strength and wisdom is gained each time....even when we fail, we gain wisdom. It's always win/win, if we listen.

I have the tendency to be self-destructive. If not one way, then another and another.....no matter what, there is always a vice gripping me. Sometimes it's not so strong and other times it's very annoying. These days though I have to say that I have a handle on most of my vices.....all except one that I'll not speak about and drinking...which I enjoy. They are my vices and only one is humiliating to me.

I know in my heart that to acknowledge something is to take away it's power, but I cannot speak of it. I need a hypnotist to help me, I think. It would be nice if it were that easy. :) Likely though it'll take work like quitting smoking and ridding my life of an ED.

I want to be free. I cannot remember being totally free...without worry, without self-consciousness. Am I not to be totally free? Am I to always have an internal battle? If so, I can deal with it. I only wish to know.

If I only knew what I was to deal with, I could better prepare.....

and I know I sound insane, but I really don't give a flying fuck.
hehe.