Monday, March 29, 2010

Monday, Monday

What a day to decide to take off to spend quality time with my kiddos. It's grey, gloomy and rainy outside. Ugh. The only good thing is it's a perfect day to go see a movie and that is our plan for later. However, I wish I had gone to work. The thing is, I promised the kids at the beginning of the year that I'd take a day off for their spring break since we have different break times. They chose today, even though the rest of the week is supposed to be beautiful. Oh well.

My back is killing me. One side is tight and makes it hard for me to turn my head to the left and the other side, under my arm is having spasms. Ugh. What the hell? I'm only 34!!! lol

Maybe I should just go chill with my kiddos and enjoy the lazy day, instead of regretting taking off. It's sad to have looked forward to a day off with them & then spend most of it wishing I hadn't. What a terrible thing!

That's it. I'm going to go cuddle on the couch with them and then we'll figure out what movie to see later. :)

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Screams Within

My husband asked, "What's wrong, honey?" as we sipped sake at our favorite Japanese restaurant on Friday night.

I turned my eyes from the window, where I gazed at nothing in particular; lost in my thoughts, and smiled at him. "Nothing's wrong." I replied, honestly. there realyl was nothing wrong. My mind was turned to my work, on a particular student who that day insulted me. I generally don't care what students say about me, because they are 12/13 years old and are constantly saying things they don't really mean. It's a part of adolescence in America.

This particular student has given all the teachers on the team trouble except for me and I felt that we had a good teacher/student relationship going where he understood that I understood his situation and to be honest, I probably do understand more than the other teachers because of my childhood. Anyway, when he got mad and insulted me, I sent him out of the room very causally and went on with class...but it stuck with me. Honestly, I was pissed. However, my anger had nothing to do with him really, because my thought was something like this, "After all I've done for this kid, this is how he repays me?!" That is more about pride than the student.

He hurt my pride.
There is really no room for pride in life and especially not when working with children. That student reminded me to be humble.

As we sat at the table, my husband replied, "I know what it is: it got cold." He may have a point. My mood is very affected by the weather and, except for yesterday, this week has been cold and somewhat cloudy. I don't know if he was right this time, but he may have a point.

There are so many things going on in my head these days that it's hard to get it all out here on this blog. I'm consumed with so much that, in a way, I feel I'm getting lost in the shuffle. My eyes are constantly turned outward. I seldom have time to consider how I'm feeling inside. It's hard to consider my place in this world because I am worried about deadlines, children, my husband, my home, etc.

It leaves me wondering: who the hell am I?

It is dangerous to lose oneself, at least it's dangerous for me to lose myself. I tend to go to extremes when this happens.

Of late I am drinking too much and eating too little. A student said the other day, "No offense, Mrs. Grimsley, but do you ever eat?"

It was a strange thing to ask a teacher out of the blue and I lied to him, of course. I eat better than I have in the past, but I am not taking very good care of myself. I don't know why. I just do what I do. It's my coping mechanism, I suppose. Not to mention the fact that I LIKE being slender. I LIKE wearing the size clothes I wear. I LIKE looking in the mirror and thinking my figure looks statuesque. Is that bad?

That said, I don't think I look good. To mean, Jennifer Lopez looks good. I love womanly curves....on others; not on me. I don't know why. My husband is not a big guy and that bothers me sometimes too. I want to be small compared to him. Stupid, I know.

I think this post proves that I'm ready for Spring Break. I need a little time to myself, to reorganize my thinking and rejuvenate my spirit. Perhaps if I can't get in a proper vacation, I'll at least get a room somewhere so I can have a little getaway.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I attended a very interesting seminar last night at UK. It was for Invisible Children, which helps orphaned children in Uganda whose parents have (often times) been killed by the rebels.

I was very touched and moved by the presentation. They showed us ROUGH CUT, which told the story of a few of the children who, at that time, (2006) were homeless and sleeping in the bus station, doing homework by candlelight. I was so moved and then at the end, a very attractive young man with dark skin and a smile that lit up the room took the microphone. He said with a wave, "Hi. I am who they call Boni." He was one of the children from the film! He is now 19 and he is hoping to attend a university.

He was abducted by the rebels and had to live in the bush for two weeks where they tried to desensitize him to violence and killing. He escaped and lived a homeless life for a while before the rebels finally moved on. They are now in Sudan and other places.

They have a website...I encourage you to visit:

Going to that seminar has changed my life. It really has. Talking to Boni afterward was so nice too. He hopes to become a priest and then a journalist.