I bought a bike today! I love, love, love it.
Caleb and I took a short bike ride and I think that's how I'll begin, as my knees aren't used to the motion yet. It's amazing what we can do as kids and then our adult bodies forget! ha!
My goal is to ride to as many places as I can and not use my car as often. We'll see how it goes. Even if I only use the bike for pleasure, it'll be well worth the money. :)
It's an ice blue mountain bike...I'd post a pic, but my batteries just died.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
hmmmm
Wine is good.
I'll start by saying that. More than that though, wine and a quiet house is VERY good.
Why do they say that drinking alone is bad?
I think it's super FAB. hehe.
Seriously though.....I feel myself falling or rather gliding (as "falling" sounds negative) into a quiet, reposed and solitude mentality. I feel the need to be left alone to fight my challenges and hopefully overcome them.
It seems life is about challenges. When we conquer one, we receive another and strength and wisdom is gained each time....even when we fail, we gain wisdom. It's always win/win, if we listen.
I have the tendency to be self-destructive. If not one way, then another and another.....no matter what, there is always a vice gripping me. Sometimes it's not so strong and other times it's very annoying. These days though I have to say that I have a handle on most of my vices.....all except one that I'll not speak about and drinking...which I enjoy. They are my vices and only one is humiliating to me.
I know in my heart that to acknowledge something is to take away it's power, but I cannot speak of it. I need a hypnotist to help me, I think. It would be nice if it were that easy. :) Likely though it'll take work like quitting smoking and ridding my life of an ED.
I want to be free. I cannot remember being totally free...without worry, without self-consciousness. Am I not to be totally free? Am I to always have an internal battle? If so, I can deal with it. I only wish to know.
If I only knew what I was to deal with, I could better prepare.....
and I know I sound insane, but I really don't give a flying fuck.
hehe.
I'll start by saying that. More than that though, wine and a quiet house is VERY good.
Why do they say that drinking alone is bad?
I think it's super FAB. hehe.
Seriously though.....I feel myself falling or rather gliding (as "falling" sounds negative) into a quiet, reposed and solitude mentality. I feel the need to be left alone to fight my challenges and hopefully overcome them.
It seems life is about challenges. When we conquer one, we receive another and strength and wisdom is gained each time....even when we fail, we gain wisdom. It's always win/win, if we listen.
I have the tendency to be self-destructive. If not one way, then another and another.....no matter what, there is always a vice gripping me. Sometimes it's not so strong and other times it's very annoying. These days though I have to say that I have a handle on most of my vices.....all except one that I'll not speak about and drinking...which I enjoy. They are my vices and only one is humiliating to me.
I know in my heart that to acknowledge something is to take away it's power, but I cannot speak of it. I need a hypnotist to help me, I think. It would be nice if it were that easy. :) Likely though it'll take work like quitting smoking and ridding my life of an ED.
I want to be free. I cannot remember being totally free...without worry, without self-consciousness. Am I not to be totally free? Am I to always have an internal battle? If so, I can deal with it. I only wish to know.
If I only knew what I was to deal with, I could better prepare.....
and I know I sound insane, but I really don't give a flying fuck.
hehe.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Thoughts
It's weird.
I'm at a point in my life when I have no internal conflict. I am, at this time, without self-hate or self-destructive thoughts. I haven't experienced this before and I am at a loss of words. It's strange, but I feel sort of out of place. lol.
However, I find that without my self-destructive thoughts, I am able to turn outward....to mother nature, to friends, to my husband and children...and give more. I just have to remember that even when able to give to others, I cannot neglect myself. Sure, there is no immediate need to turn attention inward, but I can't begin to neglect myself.
Why am I saying this?
It almost feels like a warning to myself...don't run yourself down, don't forget to have Theresa time, don't forget to breathe and meditate, don't forget to give yourself the love you deserve.
It's easy to forget.
Yesterday I did take time for me. I took a hike and loved every minute of it. It was great to be with nature. There were other people on the trail though, being loud and it annoyed me. I really hoped for quiet, alone time. Perhaps I'll hike tomorrow while the kids are in school. I just want to get away. Where no one knows where I am. I just want to hide for an afternoon and come back refreshed and ready to conquer whatever comes my way.
All I've done today is sew and watch movies. That's it and that's all.
I almost feel guilty, except that I know classes start next week and so I should enjoy doing nothing while I can do it.
I'm at a point in my life when I have no internal conflict. I am, at this time, without self-hate or self-destructive thoughts. I haven't experienced this before and I am at a loss of words. It's strange, but I feel sort of out of place. lol.
However, I find that without my self-destructive thoughts, I am able to turn outward....to mother nature, to friends, to my husband and children...and give more. I just have to remember that even when able to give to others, I cannot neglect myself. Sure, there is no immediate need to turn attention inward, but I can't begin to neglect myself.
Why am I saying this?
It almost feels like a warning to myself...don't run yourself down, don't forget to have Theresa time, don't forget to breathe and meditate, don't forget to give yourself the love you deserve.
It's easy to forget.
Yesterday I did take time for me. I took a hike and loved every minute of it. It was great to be with nature. There were other people on the trail though, being loud and it annoyed me. I really hoped for quiet, alone time. Perhaps I'll hike tomorrow while the kids are in school. I just want to get away. Where no one knows where I am. I just want to hide for an afternoon and come back refreshed and ready to conquer whatever comes my way.
All I've done today is sew and watch movies. That's it and that's all.
I almost feel guilty, except that I know classes start next week and so I should enjoy doing nothing while I can do it.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Women!
I never thought I'd find a spiritual path that would make me genuinely happy. I've always held doubts about religion and still do. I think religion is simply a social network with the main goal of making money. Spirituality is a different story. I have a lot of respect for spirituality.
I believe I am a spiritual person, but not really a religious person. I have begun to and feel most comfortable believing in both a god and goddess...because in all mammals and many, many other animals, both male and female are required. Why would it be any different with humans...why should the male take precedence over the female? I do not like that. That is the main reason I denounced Christianity...I got tired of hearing how "evil" females are. It's just not right.....I think it was a fabrication created during King James' reign, when women were considered less than men and women were generally considered hysterical and insane or evil. Women were taught that they were inherently evil and basically worthless...they were taught that their yearnings were evil. It was all wrong.
Women are not evil. Women are not inferior to men. It's time for women to take their rightful position in this world. Empower yourself. Embrace your womanhood. Do not buy into the lies we have been fed for centuries and continue to be fed through the media.
Be who you are...no matter what that is.
Today I have blemishes on my face...most likely from stress. Maybe from PMS...whatever. All day I worried about them adn worry only makes it worse. You know what, it doesn't matter if I have blemishes! Who cares?! Yeah, maybe I'll be uncomfortable for a while, but they'll pass and life will go on. Tomorrow I'm not going to hide behind my hair....or makeup. I'm going to just be me. Natural. Pure. Beautiful. Woman.
All women are beautiful to me. All shapes, all sizes, all colors, all heights, ALL women are beautiful. My wish tonight is that women will realize their beauty and stop trying to live up to what someone else thinks is beautiful. You know, there are so many young girls out there who are killing themselves to look the way they think others want them to look. It's terribly sad. It's so sad that they are being taught that their natural selves.......natural selves....are not enough. The goddess doesn't make bad things. She doesn't make ugly things.....from her comes only beauty and all women embody her. That is my opinion. If you believe in god, then the same thing goes for him. He does not make ugly things....all things are beautiful because they are from him. They embody him.
I still sometimes struggle with this and I believe it's because I've basically been brainwashed by the media, my mother and most of the other women I've known. All my life, I've heard women obsess about their bodies, whether their skin, their weight, their height, their shoe size....etc. All in a negative way that I believe that to be The Way. The thing is, they were brainwashed by the media too.
Maybe loving oneself as is just isn't glamorous enough....people always want to be "better." People are never quite happy enough with what they have....they always want what someone else has.
But the truth is something I used to say as a teenager and I think they are wise words.......
"Happiness is not in what you can acquire, but in what you already possess."
So, that said, here are a few words to me and all the wonderful women I know:
You
Are
All
You
Need.
You
Are
Beautifully
Made.
You
Are
A
Miracle.
You
Deserve
To
Be
Loved
By
You.
I believe I am a spiritual person, but not really a religious person. I have begun to and feel most comfortable believing in both a god and goddess...because in all mammals and many, many other animals, both male and female are required. Why would it be any different with humans...why should the male take precedence over the female? I do not like that. That is the main reason I denounced Christianity...I got tired of hearing how "evil" females are. It's just not right.....I think it was a fabrication created during King James' reign, when women were considered less than men and women were generally considered hysterical and insane or evil. Women were taught that they were inherently evil and basically worthless...they were taught that their yearnings were evil. It was all wrong.
Women are not evil. Women are not inferior to men. It's time for women to take their rightful position in this world. Empower yourself. Embrace your womanhood. Do not buy into the lies we have been fed for centuries and continue to be fed through the media.
Be who you are...no matter what that is.
Today I have blemishes on my face...most likely from stress. Maybe from PMS...whatever. All day I worried about them adn worry only makes it worse. You know what, it doesn't matter if I have blemishes! Who cares?! Yeah, maybe I'll be uncomfortable for a while, but they'll pass and life will go on. Tomorrow I'm not going to hide behind my hair....or makeup. I'm going to just be me. Natural. Pure. Beautiful. Woman.
All women are beautiful to me. All shapes, all sizes, all colors, all heights, ALL women are beautiful. My wish tonight is that women will realize their beauty and stop trying to live up to what someone else thinks is beautiful. You know, there are so many young girls out there who are killing themselves to look the way they think others want them to look. It's terribly sad. It's so sad that they are being taught that their natural selves.......natural selves....are not enough. The goddess doesn't make bad things. She doesn't make ugly things.....from her comes only beauty and all women embody her. That is my opinion. If you believe in god, then the same thing goes for him. He does not make ugly things....all things are beautiful because they are from him. They embody him.
I still sometimes struggle with this and I believe it's because I've basically been brainwashed by the media, my mother and most of the other women I've known. All my life, I've heard women obsess about their bodies, whether their skin, their weight, their height, their shoe size....etc. All in a negative way that I believe that to be The Way. The thing is, they were brainwashed by the media too.
Maybe loving oneself as is just isn't glamorous enough....people always want to be "better." People are never quite happy enough with what they have....they always want what someone else has.
But the truth is something I used to say as a teenager and I think they are wise words.......
"Happiness is not in what you can acquire, but in what you already possess."
So, that said, here are a few words to me and all the wonderful women I know:
You
Are
All
You
Need.
You
Are
Beautifully
Made.
You
Are
A
Miracle.
You
Deserve
To
Be
Loved
By
You.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Caleb "holding up" the arch. :) We hiked at Red River Gorge on Saturday.
Tristan and Caleb.
Scott, Tristan and Caleb
Quilt I've been working on...it's pieced together now though.
Cool tree at Red River GorgeIt's been a nice day.
I've quilted most of the day and finished the quilt top for Cara and Kelly. I did take off a few hours though and visited Gramma and Grandad and helped her pick peaches from her overloaded peach tree! It's so loaded (even still) that the branches are touching the ground. It's amazing. We had a nice time. The weather was great and her company is always a treat.
I'm sort of feeling grumpy today. I don't know why. No reason in particular...just grumpy. I'm sure it'll pass. Maybe I need a little quiet time. I've been so busy I've hardly spent any of my time in quiet....just being. I need time like that and sometimes I forget. I have caught myself saying..."I'll make time for meditation tomorrow" and then I don't do it at all and I say it again the next day. I'm the type of person who must have meditation time and I'm neglecting myself.
My professor keeps emailing me (the whole class) and while he's probably excited to begin his first semester at UK, I'm not ready to let go of my summer...so I've looked at the email and even though he wants us to download a couple of programs and familiarize ourselves with them, I'm in no mood and I've not even begun to do that. Ugh...as if I want to start school work BEFORE the semester begins? What the hell? I want to say...in the words of Bridget Jones....BUGGER OFF! hehe.
I weighed myself today...the first time in a long time. What sort of bothered me was that I was pleasantly surprised by my weight. How annoying that I still have a reaction to a stupid fucking number that doesn't mean a fucking thing about who I am as a person. It's so stupid and annoys the hell out of me. I mean, a stupid number made me happy, even if only for a moment. What if it had been higher? Would I have been sad or upset? I don't know.....While I do not react physically to the number...meaning I don't adjust my eating accordingly, it is annoying to me that my emotions are still attached to that number, even in such a small way. What the hell? It ticks me off. Still though, this is the only time I've even thought of it all day except for the 2 seconds after I weighed myself, so that's an accomplishment compared to my past experience. So anyway...thought I'd get that out of my system.
I want cabernet sauvignon. :)
Scott leaves for New Mexico tomorrow. In a way I'm looking forward to a little T. time, but I always hate when he leaves. At least it's only until Thursday.
The kids are actually excited about starting school this year. Crazy. I can't believe the summer is coming to a close....it's a little sad. I'm not ready this year. I'm sort of ready for sweater weather....not cold, but a little chilly would be good....but I'm not ready for school to start back. Ugh. All that work and no time to do things I enjoy. Oh well. That's life and this is my last semester of classes. After this one, I'm student teaching and then hopefully employeed by next August!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Word
I'm really tired tonight, but I feel restless, so this may be a long night of insomnia for me. I hope not. Maybe I'll make some chamomile tea to help me sleep. It always works. :)
I've had another busy day....working on the quilt and I also made another purse, bought materials for shipping lip balm (the right way, not just the envelope like I did for the freebies...sorry for that ladies). I got cute boxes and stuff. I liked the final product. How exciting to make a sale...thanks Angie! She said you sent her and that makes me really happy. That's how I want it to go...like a grassroots thing.
So, my house is a mess, but I really don't care. Well, I do, but not enough to do anything about it yet. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday! I may clean then, but then again I may just sew....Saturday we're going hiking...I can't wait! Colorado definitely inspired Scott and I to get out and enjoy Kentucky's mountains instead of taking them for granted. It'll be a fun day.
Maybe I'll clean on Sunday???? lol
I've had another busy day....working on the quilt and I also made another purse, bought materials for shipping lip balm (the right way, not just the envelope like I did for the freebies...sorry for that ladies). I got cute boxes and stuff. I liked the final product. How exciting to make a sale...thanks Angie! She said you sent her and that makes me really happy. That's how I want it to go...like a grassroots thing.
So, my house is a mess, but I really don't care. Well, I do, but not enough to do anything about it yet. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday! I may clean then, but then again I may just sew....Saturday we're going hiking...I can't wait! Colorado definitely inspired Scott and I to get out and enjoy Kentucky's mountains instead of taking them for granted. It'll be a fun day.
Maybe I'll clean on Sunday???? lol
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Blahh, blahh.
I'm not sure why on earth I have this blog, but whatever.
Today has been rather productive. I'm working on a quilt for my brother and sister in law. It's of Colorado...at least it's meant to represent what I saw on the way to Ouray. I was inspired. :)
I've also been working on a new purse and drinking beer. lol. What I really want is a glass of cabernet. :D Oh yeah.
So anyway, I set up a website to sell my stuff and it's been fun. So far no takers, but that's okay. I don't mind. I'm having fun and that's what matters most. I just really love making the stuff!!! :)
So school starts in one week fo the boys and I start on the 27. I'm somewhat excited and somewhat not. I'm just having such a great summer that it's a shame for it to end. BUT....with the beginning of school, I know Halloween is just around the corner and that makes me happy. I think I'd like to have an end of summer garden party though. It might be fun.
We'll see...I have a lot on my plate as it is. :)
Today has been rather productive. I'm working on a quilt for my brother and sister in law. It's of Colorado...at least it's meant to represent what I saw on the way to Ouray. I was inspired. :)
I've also been working on a new purse and drinking beer. lol. What I really want is a glass of cabernet. :D Oh yeah.
So anyway, I set up a website to sell my stuff and it's been fun. So far no takers, but that's okay. I don't mind. I'm having fun and that's what matters most. I just really love making the stuff!!! :)
So school starts in one week fo the boys and I start on the 27. I'm somewhat excited and somewhat not. I'm just having such a great summer that it's a shame for it to end. BUT....with the beginning of school, I know Halloween is just around the corner and that makes me happy. I think I'd like to have an end of summer garden party though. It might be fun.
We'll see...I have a lot on my plate as it is. :)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Colorado
Red Mountain
Our "friend"
Scottie and I
The beautiful Aspen trees
Our car on a cliff at Yankee Boy Basin
Red MountainWe had a glorious time!!! We did tons of hiking...which was difficult at the higher altitude, but we had a blast! If you ever get a chance, visit Colorado. I've never seen such a vasta array of landscapes within a 2 hour drive. Crazy.
The wedding was BEAUTIFUL. Cara was stunning.
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