Sometimes when I feel lonely, I want to block everyone out. I don't know why, as this is very counter-productive, but it's like a reflex...almost as if I'm saying, "you didn't forget me, I forgot you." I wonder if this has anything to do with my childhood and feelings of abandonment...so it's a protection from feeling abandoned as an adult. hmm. Interesting thought.
Not only am I feeling lonely right now, but I'm also feeling very overwhelmed. My job is about to begin (basically an aspect of it already has) and I'm nervous and excited. My stress levels are really high and I find myself often taking shallow breaths and find that my stomach muscles are very tight. Might be great for the abs, but not for relaxation! lol In addition to that, my appetite has been affected to the point that I hardly think about eating because I am in "survival mode." I think the body naturally does that. I think when we get stressed and all that adrenaline is pumping, the body naturally doesn't want to do things like digest food, which would take up what it perceives to be necessary energy. Of course, I am not everyone, so I don't really know how it is for anyone but me. It's just a theory I've come up with. Of course I know I must eat and so I do, but not like I should. I'm afraid of the ramifications of this. I need to keep my energy up so I don't crash and burn in the beginning of my job!
This is probably why in the past when I've started a new job I've gotten sick within a few weeks...it's because I allow myself to get stressed to the max and I don't eat like I should. It's just hard and when my husband (who eats a lot) isn't here, I tend to forget to eat. He's been gone all this week, so eating once a day for me is sort of the norm right now. Ugh. Why can't I just get myself together? Why am I such a hot mess?
I'll just be really happy when the first day of school gets here and I get to meet the students. I feel like once I'm in front of them, doing my thing, I'll be fine again. In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can and taking vitamins as a precaution.