Monday, August 18, 2008

Thoughts

It's weird.

I'm at a point in my life when I have no internal conflict. I am, at this time, without self-hate or self-destructive thoughts. I haven't experienced this before and I am at a loss of words. It's strange, but I feel sort of out of place. lol.

However, I find that without my self-destructive thoughts, I am able to turn outward....to mother nature, to friends, to my husband and children...and give more. I just have to remember that even when able to give to others, I cannot neglect myself. Sure, there is no immediate need to turn attention inward, but I can't begin to neglect myself.

Why am I saying this?

It almost feels like a warning to myself...don't run yourself down, don't forget to have Theresa time, don't forget to breathe and meditate, don't forget to give yourself the love you deserve.

It's easy to forget.

Yesterday I did take time for me. I took a hike and loved every minute of it. It was great to be with nature. There were other people on the trail though, being loud and it annoyed me. I really hoped for quiet, alone time. Perhaps I'll hike tomorrow while the kids are in school. I just want to get away. Where no one knows where I am. I just want to hide for an afternoon and come back refreshed and ready to conquer whatever comes my way.

All I've done today is sew and watch movies. That's it and that's all.
I almost feel guilty, except that I know classes start next week and so I should enjoy doing nothing while I can do it.

1 comment:

Angel said...

Yes. Enjoy your time away from school! You give me so much hope that there is a life beyond this damn eating disorder. Turning outward is a wonderful thing, just as doing things you enjoy just for yourself is a wonderful thing. Definitely don't forget the latter.

I wish that we had better places around here to hike. There really isn't anywhere good that is nearby, so enjoy it!

Love you<3
Angie