Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Lunch, online shopping (monitor browsing) and sizing

So I've been monitor browsing (formerly known as window shopping, except now I don't have to leave the comfort of my home). Why can't I just buy a medium? I mean, I see an adorable summer dress and notice that the size small measurements are too small for me and then I totally throw out the idea of getting the dress at all. Why can't I just suck it up and buy the medium, which would fit perfectly? *grumble*

The fact is, I've not changed in size. I am still a size 2...it's the idea of having something on that says "MEDIUM" like a herald of bad news that makes me cringe. It's stupid. The fact is, most smalls are made for women much shorter than me. I am 5'8" and it's hard to find smalls that are 1.) long enough and 2.) wide enough in the bust (and I have NO BOOBS!)

Anyway, ordinarily it would deter me from enjoying my lunch, which consists of baked potato soup and an iced vanilla coffee...today though I will continue to enjoy them and merely grumble at the fact that the dress is just not for me.....at least not today. Why must we size things at all?

I mean, it's like giving a grade to a student. Is it REALLY necessary? Why can't we just NOT size clothes and then people have to try them on to see if they fit. I think it would be beneficial to businesses because how many times to we take something home without trying it on and realize we hate it, so we have to return it thus fucking up the traffic numbers for the store; all because we trusted a size tag on the garment? I think it happens a lot.

I suppose that concept would completely ruin the idea of monitor browsing...we would never be able to buy an item online. If the stores tried to "help" by saying, "if you typically wear a size 8, try this size" that would totally ruin the concept, because women would merely compare themselves that way.

We are always comparing ourselves, aren't we? To what? What the hell are we comparing ourselves to? Some ridiculous and completely IMAGINED idea of what we SHOULD be....how we SHOULD act? What the hell?

Does a woman ever truly LIVE anymore? Are we so consumed with outward appearances adn expectations in this day and age that we forget to live, so we are consumed with guilt for not grabbing life by it's horns while we were young enough to cause a little havoc? Wow...what a thought.

When I was a teenager, I weighed about 15 pounds more than I do now and I caused a lot of havoc in the world back then. I was opinionated, creative, loving, bitchy, compassionate, etc. I also struggled with an eating disorder in between having a helluva lot of fun. I want that spunky, crazy girl back. I know she's in there and she wouldn't blink an eye at buying a medium...as a matter of fact, she would be browsing the Salvation Army for funky clothes she could alter to make her own. I want the eating disorder shit to leave my mind. I want to be free.

I want to be me.

That said, I just CAN'T buy the medium....I can't bring myself to do it. Dammit! I am so weak and pathetic. How on earth can I let something so insignificant affect an otherwise wonderful day? *grumble!*

Today is my son's 15th birthday. One the way home from getting the cake-baking essentials, I thought about the fact that in 5 years he'll be 20 years old. That's just....NUTS! I can't believe it! My goodness time flies. So anyway, I'm going to forget all this sizing bullshit and bake his cake and then don my bikini and get a few rays of sunshine on my deck in my nice, new slingback lounge chair. :)

Ta-ta for now.

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